Tasia is back.: Child Support Chains PART 1

I don't even know how to speak up for myself, because I don't really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.
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"I know that I will never find my father in any other man who comes into my life, because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by him."

-Halle Berry

You know, I was REALLY hesitant to do this post because people are SO. DAMN. DEFENSIVE. Also, I didn't want people to think that I don't believe men should pay child support... or that child support is abused by every woman... far from the truth. But I decided to write it anyway. Why? Because this is my blog and I make the rules here. Before I get started, let me just make a disclaimer.

WHO THIS IS FOR:

Women who prefer child support over equal parenting so that they have have access to public assistance and tax incentives

Women who would NOT be able to pay child support if they were ordered to but complain to anyone who will listen about how their child's father is a deadbeat

Women who deny equal 50/50 parenting time to their child's father when it is wanted because they fucking can and they know that the courts are on their side

Women who deny access of their child to their father for ANY reason outside of child abuse

WHO THIS IS NOT FOR:

Women who have allowed their child's father to participate in the child's life equally.... but he refuses.

As for the former, I'm tired of your shit. Your babydaddy aint shit huh? How DARE him not be able to pay you your full amount of child support! But you don't need him right? You are strong and independent right? So let's for a moment imagine YOU were a man ordered to pay child support. Come along, I'll show what life would be like for you. I don't want to overwhelm you, so we will just imagine you are paying child support for one child.

First of all, child support deducts a percentage of your check, no questions asked, before taxes. You still pay FULL amount for taxes. Then, you must provide health insurance. Now at least 40-50 percent of your check is gone in CS, health insurance and taxes. That's for one child. You get no tax breaks or credit at the end of the year for this.

Now you must provide food, shelter and entertainment for the child when he/she is under your care every other weekend and during the summer. Will he sleep in the living room of your one bedroom apartment? Or will you rent a two bedroom apartment where one room will be empty most of the time? Most days you come home from work or school and see an empty bedroom you are paying for. Toys that are hardly played with and clothes worn about four times before the child grows out of them.

Will you choose not to pick him up when you work or go to school or will you pay for daycare? That means that on extended holidays and summer, you need to pay for daycare on top of the child support. Being that you are only considered as a temp nanny on the weekends, there are no programs or subsidized daycare options for you. You pay full price.

You would have to be in school full time for at least two years to get an AA. You also have to work full time to support yourself and the child. The average salary for a high school graduate is about 32K dollars a year IF YOU ARE LUCKY. Deduct the child support and you are left with 17K to live on and support your child during visitation. Rent takes away about 9K dollars and car insurance/maintenance could take up to 3K. Then you have food, utilities, clothing and other miscellaneous crap. You have not factored in day care and entertainment for yourself and the child. You are living from check to check. Your social life is minimal since you can't really afford it. Your dating life.. well, you can barely provide for yourself and the added expenses/time with dating puts you in the negative.

One layoff, injury or car malfunction could put you on the street and in debt to the child support. So you either save money by not going to school or not seeing your child as often. Either way, you will still be seen as a deadbeat. Not enough child support being paid since you earn little or not enough time spent with the child in order to better your education. The longer you postpone school, the longer you live in poverty. The less you see your child, the less they will want to visit you.

We haven't factored in whether you wanted to have a child or it was an unplanned pregnancy. If you were a woman, you could of just chosen abortion for an unplanned and unwanted mistake. But freedom of choice does not extend to you. Why? Because it's her body and her "right". So she has the rights, but you have the responsibility. Voice your hardship and you are seen as a deadbeat loser who can't man up. You are told that you should have kept it in your pants so now you must pay. Meanwhile, your ex gets paid for spreading her legs. As soon as she got pregnant, many financial resources opened up to her along with sympathetic remarks from people and being hailed as strong independent woman. From subsidized daycare, welfare, child support, healthcare to paid career training. All thanks to Uncle Sam.

You? You get to feel proud by "visiting" your child and paying your child support. What happens if your ex remarries and you see your child choosing the stepdad? How about if your ex refuses to follow the visitation schedule? What if you took a paycut and the child support office refuses to lower your garnishment? You need to go to court.. but you need a lawyer. The lawyer wants money you don't have. If you get into arrears, you will not be able to crawl out easily and balance your visitation, work and school. Then your license can be suspended. You can also go to jail. Meanwhile, Obama makes a speech on Father's Day about "deadbeat dads" not taking responsibility. He is talking about you, the uneducated, low paid impoverished dad who impregnated an uneducated, low paid, impoverished woman who needs financial assistance to survive. It's the blanket term that is used effectively to rile up biased public support that promotes the culture we have today.

The fun part? It lasts 18 years and the more money you make, the higher your obligation goes.

Is that the kind of life you would want for yourself? How about your brother? Son? If so, I have a nice cold drink for you right here.

They just keep giving you so called independent "bad bitches" your kids in court... They pay your rent, pay for you to eat, and pay your insurance so you can further the governments agenda. They make sure you see their fathers as another monthly check and nothing more. They DON'T want your kids to have dads, and they would rather them be incarcerated for something as simple as falling on hard times. The welfare office doesn't love you or your kids. Child support enforcement agency doesn't love you or your kids. THE GOVERNMENT DOESNT LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. So why do you coparent with it?

The thing is...the less your kids father sees them, the more money you get in child support. So now, you have INCENTIVE to keep your child from having a father. Either you love the money or you're mad at your baby for whatever reason (he moved on, he disrespects you, he blah blah blah) but who are you hurting REALLY? So you want him locked up? You want him to get so sick of your begging and bitching that he disappears? So what does that mean for the child. Let's see.

Fatherless Daughters:

53% more likely to marry as teenagers

111% more likely to have children as teenagers

164% more likely to have an out of wedlock birth

92% higher divorce rate

Fatherless Sons:

85% of the prison population

four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems

twice as likely to drop out of high school

80% of violent rapists

There's more. Fatherless children:

63% of youth suicides

90% of adolescent repeat arsonists

75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers

Children with Fathers are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school

90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

You hate him, I get it. You love money, I get it. You don't give a fuck about his feelings or his finances.. hey, I get it. But do you care about your child? Because the fact is, children who do not have their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior. And no, your new new boo cannot replace him as a father just like their step-mother could never replace you as a mother.

So stop making it so damn hard on the man. Stop making him resent his own children! WORK WITH HIM. Work with the man who you brought life into this world with. If you don't, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass I promise. You don't need him? Maybe not... but your child does. Get the white man out of his pockets, offer him equal visitation, allow him to spend his own money on his own child just like YOU have the freedom to do without taking 30 percent of every check like you're his fucking agent. Do better.