Acting White?

"I realize that I'm black, but I like to be viewed as a person, and this everybody's wish."
-Michael Jordan

Let me just say that I generally hate the glorification of anti-intellectualism regardless of race...I think there's an unspoken class-element to it, too, but there's definitely a strong anti-academic, anti-intellectual flavor to the average black community in the U.S. Quite honestly, being accused of "acting white" is one of the most ridiculous statements one could ever make.  Dressing in a manner befitting a young man, having a job, going to school, speaking proper English, having a diverse taste in music, not having 20 kids, having a diverse group of friends, reading books, hell anything that could lead one to live a better is considered acting like a white person.  Black people will downright SHAME you for trying to be better. This has caused many black people to not even bother trying to reach their full potential. This phenomena is even evident in kids; young black students condemn academic success as a rejection of their cultural identity.  It's kind of too bad most kids who struggle with peer pressure issues don't know that the majority of their peers won't amount to shit in adult life.


The thing is, there are people who gave their lives for us to have equal rights. Even worse, some people straight up had their lives stolen from them just for doing the things that we are free to do now. Things are not perfect for black people in America and I am obviously not saying they are. I know the plight of Troy Davis, Trayvon Martin, myself and all of the other black people I meet day to day. We are still facing discrimination in this society, BUT we shouldn't have to experience it from our own people too.

First-generation, black, African immigrants to the United States have, on average, better career chances than African Americans.  This leads me to believe that one of the biggest problems for the black community in the United States is the perception that studying hard, working diligently and careering in ways other than becoming an NBA player, rap star, or drug dealer are "white". It's easy to blame whites for every little thing but a lot of social and especially economic discrimination is self-inflicted.

The thing that pisses me off about black culture is that we have stupid fucking qualifiers for being 'really' black. You wanna know what the qualifier for being 'really' white is? It's that you don't have a lot of melanin. Rednecks, WASPS, the 1%, Whiggers, and every other subset of whites are still white. Meanwhile, black people are shamed into faux-ghetto aspirations in order to be seen as not acting white. Do you think so lowly of your own culture that when you see a black person following societal norms and speaking English properly it is foreign to you?

No ranting today. Just a couple of thoughts.

Child Support Chains PART 1

I don't even know how to speak up for myself, because I don't really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/eminem446839.html#ZT7wSBHlpy0tMox1.99
I don't even know how to speak up for myself, because I don't really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/eminem446839.html#ZT7wSBHlpy0tMox1.99
I don't even know how to speak up for myself, because I don't really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/eminem446839.html#ZT7wSBHlpy0tMox1.99
I don't even know how to speak up for myself, because I don't really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/eminem446839.html#ZT7wSBHlpy0tMox1.99
"I know that I will never find my father in any other man who comes into my life, because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by him." 
-Halle Berry
You know, I was REALLY hesitant to do this post because people are SO. DAMN. DEFENSIVE. Also, I didn't want people to think that I don't believe men should pay child support... or that child support is abused by every woman... far from the truth.  But I decided to write it anyway. Why? Because this is my blog and I make the rules here. Before I get started, let me just make a disclaimer.  

WHO THIS IS FOR:
  • Women who prefer child support over equal parenting so that they have have access to public assistance and tax incentives 
  • Women who would NOT be able to pay child support if they were ordered to but complain to anyone who will listen about how their child's father is a deadbeat 
  • Women who deny equal 50/50 parenting time to their child's father when it is wanted because they fucking can and they know that the courts are on their side 
  • Women who deny access of their child to their father for ANY reason outside of child abuse 
WHO THIS IS NOT FOR:
  • Women who have allowed their child's father to participate in the child's life equally.... but he refuses.
As for the former, I'm tired of your shit.  Your babydaddy aint shit huh? How DARE him not be able to pay you your full amount of child support! But you don't need him right? You are strong and independent right? So let's for a moment imagine YOU were a man ordered to pay child support. Come along, I'll show what life would be like for you.  I don't want to overwhelm you, so we will just imagine you are paying child support for one child.

First of all, child support deducts a percentage of your check, no questions asked, before taxes. You still pay FULL amount for taxes. Then, you must provide health insurance. Now at least 40-50 percent of your check is gone in CS, health insurance and taxes. That's for one child. You get no tax breaks or credit at the end of the year for this.

Now you must provide food, shelter and entertainment for the child when he/she is under your care every other weekend and during the summer. Will he sleep in the living room of your one bedroom apartment? Or will you rent a two bedroom apartment where one room will be empty most of the time? Most days you come home from work or school and see an empty bedroom you are paying for. Toys that are hardly played with and clothes worn about four times before the child grows out of them.

Will you choose not to pick him up when you work or go to school or will you pay for daycare? That means that on extended holidays and summer, you need to pay for daycare on top of the child support. Being that you are only considered as a temp nanny on the weekends, there are no programs or subsidized daycare options for you. You pay full price.

You would have to be in school full time for at least two years to get an AA. You also have to work full time to support yourself and the child. The average salary for a high school graduate is about 32K dollars a year IF YOU ARE LUCKY. Deduct the child support and you are left with 17K to live on and support your child during visitation. Rent takes away about 9K dollars and car insurance/maintenance could take up to 3K. Then you have food, utilities, clothing and other miscellaneous crap. You have not factored in day care and entertainment for yourself and the child. You are living from check to check. Your social life is minimal since you can't really afford it. Your dating life.. well, you can barely provide for yourself and the added expenses/time with dating puts you in the negative.

One layoff, injury or car malfunction could put you on the street and in debt to the child support. So you either save money by not going to school or not seeing your child as often. Either way, you will still be seen as a deadbeat. Not enough child support being paid since you earn little or not enough time spent with the child in order to better your education. The longer you postpone school, the longer you live in poverty. The less you see your child, the less they will want to visit you.

We haven't factored in whether you wanted to have a child or it was an unplanned pregnancy. If you were a woman, you could of just chosen abortion for an unplanned and unwanted mistake. But freedom of choice does not extend to you. Why? Because it's her body and her "right".  So she has the rights, but you have the responsibility. Voice your hardship and you are seen as a deadbeat loser who can't man up. You are told that you should have kept it in your pants so now you must pay. Meanwhile, your ex gets paid for spreading her legs. As soon as she got pregnant, many financial resources opened up to her along with sympathetic remarks from people and being hailed as strong independent woman. From subsidized daycare, welfare, child support, healthcare to paid career training. All thanks to Uncle Sam.

You? You get to feel proud by "visiting" your child and paying your child support. What happens if your ex remarries and you see your child choosing the stepdad? How about if your ex refuses to follow the visitation schedule? What if you took a paycut and the child support office refuses to lower your garnishment? You need to go to court.. but you need a lawyer. The lawyer wants money you don't have. If you get into arrears, you will not be able to crawl out easily and balance your visitation, work and school. Then your license can be suspended. You can also go to jail. Meanwhile, Obama makes a speech on Father's Day about "deadbeat dads" not taking responsibility. He is talking about you, the uneducated, low paid impoverished dad who impregnated an uneducated, low paid, impoverished woman who needs financial assistance to survive. It's the blanket term that is used effectively to rile up biased public support that promotes the culture we have today.
 
The fun part? It lasts 18 years and the more money you make, the higher your obligation goes.
Is that the kind of life you would want for yourself? How about your brother? Son? If so, I have a nice cold drink for you right here.


They just keep giving you so called independent "bad bitches" your kids in court... They pay your rent, pay for you to eat, and pay your insurance so you can further the governments agenda. They make sure you see their fathers as another monthly check and nothing more. They DON'T want your kids to have dads, and they would rather them be incarcerated for something as simple as falling on hard times. The welfare office doesn't love you or your kids. Child support enforcement agency doesn't love you or your kids. THE GOVERNMENT DOESNT LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. So why do you coparent with it? 

The thing is...the less your kids father sees them, the more money you get in child support. So now, you have INCENTIVE to keep your child from having a father.  Either you love the money or you're mad at your baby for whatever reason (he moved on, he disrespects you, he blah blah blah) but who are you hurting REALLY?  So you want him locked up? You want him to get so sick of your begging and bitching that he disappears? So what does that mean for the child. Let's see. 

Fatherless Daughters:
  • 53% more likely to marry as teenagers
  • 111% more likely to have children as teenagers
  • 164% more likely to have an out of wedlock birth
  • 92% higher divorce rate
Fatherless Sons: 
  •  85% of the prison population
  • four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems
  • twice as likely to drop out of high school
  • 80% of violent rapists

There's more. Fatherless children:

  • 63% of youth suicides
  • 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists
  • 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers
  • Children with Fathers are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school
  • 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
 You hate him, I get it. You love money, I get it. You don't give  a fuck about his feelings or his finances.. hey, I get it. But do you care about your child? Because the fact is, children who do not have their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior.  And no, your new new boo cannot replace him as a father just like their step-mother could never replace you as a mother.

So stop making it so damn hard on the man. Stop making him resent his own children! WORK WITH HIM. Work with the man who you brought life into this world with.  If you don't, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass I promise.  You don't need him? Maybe not... but your child does.  Get the white man out of his pockets, offer him equal visitation, allow him to spend his own money on his own child just like YOU have the freedom to do without taking 30 percent of every check like you're his fucking agent. Do better.


The Black Girl Curse

"Look at yourselves. Some of you teenagers, students. How do you think I feel and I belong to a generation ahead of you - how do you think I feel to have to tell you, 'We, my generation, sat around like a knot on a wall while the whole world was fighting for its hum an rights - and you've got to be born into a society where you still have that same fight.' What did we do, who preceded you ? I'll tell you what we did. Nothing. And don't you make the same mistake we made...."
-Malcolm X



Disclaimer: I'm not talking about every Black woman there is. Im only talking about the Black women that I am talking about. 


Cursed. Yep.


I said it. And some of you are already set to tell me I need pills for my self loathing anxiety. Whatever. I tend to attract the very people I try to avoid and sometimes I feel like screaming, "You are not my audience!" But whatever.. on with the blog.


FOR THE RECORD, I dont hate Black women..hell I am one! Duh people. I simply dont lie to myself about this culture and about the curse that Black women carry, the curse that Black women decided would define their womenhood. And don't take this too far, like I know my readers are more than capable of. I'm not saying Black women are not human, that their uterus is cursed with a legacy of slave breeding and gang rape or some crazy shit like that. I'm not saying we aren't worthy, I'm saying we are cursed... and it's a choice.


The industrial revolution, the sexual revolution, hyper-urbanization, ultra-feminism and four generations of government assistance systematically yielded a culture of determined self-isolation, the emergence of the strong totally independent black woman are a curse to us. Black women are trained to hate and compete with Black men. Black women are trained to love and nurture the white mans babies...IT'S HISTORYBlack women are trained to love and comb the white womans hair...IT'S HISTORYBlack women are trained to want the man that white women have and be the white women due to our legacy of only being back alley rape interests...IT'S HISTORY. 


But there's a catch. 
Society NEEDS us to be cursed to function


The rationale behind the Black Girl Curse is that the Black woman is white society's golden goose. The Black Girl Curse is a two-parter but quite simple to break down.

ONE






  • There are more single black mothers than any other race.
  • Single Black Mothers are the most impoverished.
  • Most Black men in prison come from single parent homes.
  • Most Black men that drop out of high school come from single parent homes.
  • Most teenage pregnancies come from single parent homes.
  • Products of a teen parent are more like to become teen parent.

This is why we are society's jackpot. Slaves built this country and now we are maintaining it. Most societies rely upon the impoverished class to provide jobs for the middle and upper class. The fastest growing "industry" in america is the prison system. Courts, lawyers, social services, police depts all rely on people from single parent homes for for their jobs.

TWO

Census is taken every few years. Federal funds are given to each state based upon schools, hospitals, single parent homes and prisons. Thus, there is a monetary incentive to keep the African American families dysfunctional.

Add one and two above and we find white society is double dipping from the African American community and the Black woman that refuses to cohabit because she insist that she's independent is the golden goose.

One can not be independent and married at the same time. So a black woman must not get married, and stay married.

If we actually did marry and stop the sexual immorality, fewer Black women will become single Black mothers in poverty, fewer Black men go to prison, fewer teenagers get pregnant thereby starting the cycle all over again. This is the Black Girl Curse.






Black men should stop feeling the need to make excuses for black women who refuse to rise above their history. Stop allowing Black women to make you feel responsible for the refusal to rebuild themselves. Stop letting Black women tell you that you are responsible for their bastard babies because they cant control their slave breeding programming. There are so many Black women out their who are sure of themselves, and will make a wonderful mate, and wonderful mother. Just like I always say their are good Black men everywhere, this applies to women also. They are everywhere. We are not ALL cursed but we have to ask ourselves.. if we have contributed to this curse, is it too late to change it? 


MegaChurch MegaMoney

"The best leaders are humble enough to realize their victories depend upon their people." 
-Dr. John C. Maxwell

So I'm an avid church goer.. not the conventional kind but the drankin and cussin kind.

Ok. Well I guess that means I am the conventional kind.

The prevailing wisdom in America is that bigger is better. We're lying if we say it's not. We want bigger houses, bigger vehicles, and bigger paychecks. Bigger candy bars. Bigger stores. Bigger asses and waistlines. So is it just me or have black churches gotten bigger as well? Boasting thousands of members, television broadcasting, multiple buildings and portables.. That means there's something for everyone at a megachurch right? I was invited to one here in Nashville and I was initially afraid because mega-church folks can be scary. Most of them were previously "unchurched" and  became born again after discovering some charismatic personality in place of a pastor. They can be a bit too giddy about the Lord, even for a seasoned Jesus freak. They get the spooky look in their eyes when inviting you. Your not sure if it's Jesus that has enlivened them, or crack.

So I went to the Walmart of churches and found it to be very welcoming. They have their hands in all kinds of good works. They raise their hands when they worship and show concern for every part of your life. They want you to stay, to join, and to get your kids locked in to the community.

But for me, it was terribly middle class, impersonal, and somehow distant from Christ. The pastor was funny, personable on stage and incredibly intelligent. But he's a personality not a shephard. Like most mega-churches, everything hinged on him as the focal point, rather than Jesus.

After going for a while and starting a ministry I was overwhelmed by the bureaucracy. It wasn't a church of heart, it was a church of mind and finances. Apparently this is not unusual for the big houses. But my question is this:

Is it all about Jesus, or all about the Benjamins?

For mega-churches and the marketing teams that expand them it's about the Benjamins, Hamiltons, and Washingtons. Beyond the naked money schemes, there are also social dangers that even supporters of church-growth theory have to admit. Is it any wonder that these are the very people who use God to justify ignoring the poor in favor of gross commercialism and invidual materialism?

Before I recognized who I was, what I was, or where I was, I was in the Black Church; so it is as much a part of me as are my arms and legs--I was raised in it, and I am at my most sane and tranquil moment when in church hearing a beautiful hymn sung or a brilliant message preached.I have remained in the church from my birth, throughout my early youth, throughout my educational years, into my adult life. It is what my parents placed in me and what I found in the church itself that has kept me there. When the Black militants were casting off the obligations and teachings of the Black Church, I was trying to reconcile those teachings and obligations with my growing Black militancy. Somehow, I remained primarily guided by those teachings. But I have not discarded my intellectual enlightenment because of my beliefs; indeed, that enlightenment is not inconsistent with the teachings of Christ, as some would have it.

There is a serious money problem within the Black Church that has brought shame and disrepute to this lofty institution, and that problem makes developing philanthropic foundations in that institution irreconcilable. It is this problem that is the subject of this article.

It is a problem that has been allowed to continue and have a facade of Godliness that has been politely overlooked for years, as we have allowed unsavory men to masquerade as men of God within the structures and covering of the Church of God. We have seen it, joked about it, but never really challenged it. But just as the Catholic Church is now unmasking many of the sexually abusing priests and nuns who have used the church and the things of God as instruments of their untoward actions, the Black church is long overdue in unmasking the charlatans among us! Among the Black Churches, there is a large segment that is totally unregulated--almost a wild frontier, where a few are getting rich off the poor and unlearned.

Many of the con men who pose as true ministers of God have found, as con men do, an angle they can use to exploit a weakness in the law and a weakness in the poor, unsuspecting churchgoers. Indeed, I only started to realize the severity of this problem a few months ago, as I saw the wealth of a few realized at the expense of the poor and the oppressive methods used to extract those riches. And I have been in the church all my life.

The present state of the law does not regulate ministers. Anyone—even an atheist—can become a Christian minister; anyone can incorporate a church in any state and call it anything he or she will call it; anyone can hire out a building and declare it a church, (with some minor regard for zoning codes) woo as many members as he/she can and have a church congregation, making him/her a pastor. And because most people are not versed in the Bible, although most Black people hold the Bible as the Word of God, all one needs to be is relatively well versed in Bible verses and practice a Rev. C.L. Franklin oratory from some of his old tapes, and he/she can command unsuspecting followers to the offering tables.

But the question is still unanswered: Why? The answer is MONEY, lots of MONEY from parishioners/congregants. It has nothing to do with the well-being of the congregants. It has all to do with money!

In the Black community and the Black Church, there is a culture and a custom of giving to the church. During the Civil Rights Movement, the churches were doing something with that money—supporting activists laid off their jobs, paying for food and shelter for those in the movement, supporting the activities for freedom, etc. Now the money collected in many churches is for another purpose. Many churches are established for money; that is their sole purpose. In those churches, there is a system of tithing, an old Jewish Mosaic Code that churches have brought over into the New Testament churches and declared that all the tithing goes to the pastor. This tithe-paying is declared as God-demanded for every member—those working, those on welfare, those on unemployment, those on retirement, etc.—must pay a tithe [tenth] of all their income to the church, which goes directly to the pastor. And most pastors who enforce this system through spiritually coercive means [“Would a man rob God, yet ye have robbed me in tithes and offering…” Malachi 3] declare themselves to be the Old Testament Levites of the New Testament church or some other scriptural slight of hand with the Word of God; their reasoning is theologically and practically troubling. And there is also a demand on each congregant to contribute to an offering that is taken of the church for the maintenance of the church and its business. This is separate and apart from the tithe.

The money part of the church service has become the most important for these pastors of wealth, and they personally preside over it as if they were the poor, milking a tethered cow--and they tether the people to their personalities through a cult of personality culture they teach and breed. This becomes extremely disturbing as we look at the actual money that is received. The tithe, not the offering, is usually where the big money is in the church. But most churchgoers never see the calculations of the tithe money because a cardinal tenet of this con is this: never allow the congregants to know exactly how much is received by them and given monthly to the pastor.

The con artists know that this con can readily be seen if the congregants are allowed to look at the math of this system. The math alerts anyone to the fact that something is amiss. Biblically and intellectually enlightened and honest ministers never take the entire tithe, if such a one has this biblically outdated Mosaic system in force in a church.

Rock climbing walls, kids’ spaces that resemble small Disneylands, bookstores and state-of-the-art sound systems represent today’s Black church – supersized. Black mega churches draw huge numbers of worshippers and receive millions in collection plates. Black Mega churches are successful corporate entities that seek to service all the spiritual and social needs of their communities. Black mega churches’ pastors are major corporate CEOs shepherding large business bases. Mega churches are characterized by congregations of from 10,000 to 25,000 and spectacular buildings which house sanctuaries, day-care centers, bookstores, and health centers. Most resound with crowds and activities seven days a week, and own businesses, subdivisions, and separate community activity buildings. Almost all mega churches have TV pastorates, feature high-tech video along with foot-tapping music.

There are less than 50 nationwide, but Dallas-based Bishop T.D. Jakes, Houston’s Kirby Caldwell, Atlanta’s Eddie Long, Creflo Dollar and Los Angeles’ Charles E. Blake have grown their memberships by preaching material success and sales their books, festivals, and movies. Their congregations have expanded into businesses such as: schools, assisted living facilities and ex-offender re-entry programs.

The typical mega church is suburban, has a total budget of over $5 million and often more than 50 full-time staff. These churches tend to have a charismatic senior minister and an active array of social and outreach ministries. The average salary for a lead pastor in a mega church is $147,000. Salaries for lead pastors go as high as $400,000 to as low as $40,000. Executive pastors at churches that have a weekend attendance of 2,000 or more persons earn, on average, $99,000 a year. Generally, staffing costs average between 40 and 50 percent of many churches’ budget. A church with a budget of $1-1.99 million provides, on average, the senior pastor with a salary of $91,000. The average salary for a senior pastor at a church with a $10 million, or more, budget is $189,000. The median age for a mega churches’ senior pastor is 49. They have twitter accounts and Facebook pages.

Most Americans do not attend church. The median church in the U.S. has 75 regular participants in worship on Sunday mornings. Many say “today’s churches are more concerned with raising money than saving souls.” Many a church goer is “filled with the spirit” if the minister barks and woofs enough to make folks happy enough to fall in the aisles and get up before NFL games starts at 1PM. SMH